Royal Chaos

  Royal Chaos

  The Jason Cosmo Series

  Book II

  Dan McGirt

  Synopsis

  Dan McGirt once again proves himself a master of the comic-heroic fantasy with his second novel—an engaging tale that returns to the adventures of the unforgettable Jason Cosmo. Can the famous woodcutter-turned-champion slash his way to victory against a wizard's quest to enslave the world?

  Dedicated to

  the original

  Jason Cosmo fans:

  Dan Burer

  Tim Drury

  Vince Hammond

  Paul Hansen

  Chris Heine

  David Philips

  Laura Skelton Roberts and others

  Content

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  About the Author

  1

  It was perfect weather for an outdoor wedding. The late summer sky was clear and blue, and the gold dome of Rae City's Dawn Chapel gleamed brightly in the morning sun. The air was warm and mild. A gentle breeze made the jeweled banners in the surrounding park snap and flutter. It was a souvenir postcard kind of day, and the committee of meteorological magi responsible for all this were as justifiably proud of their handiwork as the wedding guests were appreciative.

  Over one hundred notables of the Eleven Kingdoms had gathered to witness the marriage of Raella Shurbenholt, Queen of Raelna, to the wizard Mercury Boltblaster. Among the guests were kings, queens, dukes, earls, and lesser nobles by the dozen. The High Council of the League of Benevolent Magic was on hand, as were a good many diplomats and a few private citizens like me, Jason Cosmo. Thankfully, there was no horde of obnoxious tabloid photographers underfoot, as neither tabloids nor photographs had yet been thought of in the magical world of Arden.

  Though most of the guests were already seated on cushioned benches beneath a pair of billowing red-and-gold silk canopies erected in the chapel garden, my companion and I had not yet taken our places. We stood outside the Crystalfire Gate, which pierced the high goldenberry hedge surrounding the chapel grounds, and awaited the start of the wedding procession. Thousands of cheering Raelnans lined the route from the fabulous Solar Palace to the courtyard in front of the Crystalfire Gate. Many more waved from the balconies and windows of Rae City's multicolored, terraced towers. I hadn't figured out exactly who they were waving to, but their excitement mounted with each passing moment. The land of Raelna had not witnessed a royal wedding in almost forty years, and the people were enjoying the spectacle. You would never know this same city had been attacked by legions of Day-Glo orange demons just a few months ago. Joy ruled the day, not fear. At least not yet.

  "We're running late," I remarked for the fifth time in as many minutes.

  "Weddings always do, Jason," said Sapphrina, my lady love. She was a gorgeous young woman with honey-blond hair, glittering blue eyes, a perfect figure, and a golden tan.

  "It's expected," added her sister Rubis as she stepped through the gate to join us. Rubis was also a gorgeous young woman with honey-blond hair, glittering blue eyes, a perfect figure, and a golden tan. No observer could have told them apart if they hadn't been color-coded. Sapphrina wore an azure gown and Rubis one of fiery scarlet, both low-cut and frosted with hundreds of tiny diamonds.

  "I thought you were talking with Uncle Dwide," said Sapphrina. She referred to Dwide Ikanglower, President of Zastria. He was a longtime friend of the twins' father, Corun Corundum, a wealthy merchant and a member of the Zastrian Senate. The girls had known President Ikanglower since childhood.

  "I was," said Rubis. "He wants to see both of us during the reception."

  "About Father?"

  "Yes. Uncle Dwide is trying to play peacemaker again."

  "Lost cause," snorted Sapphrina. Corun Corundum had disowned his daughters two years ago when they refused to go through with arranged marriages. Needless to say, they were not on the best of terms with him.

  "I wonder what the holdup is?" I asked, discreetly refraining from comment on the domestic situation. "I don't like this standing around and waiting."

  "Standing around and waiting is also traditional," said Sapphrina patiently. "You're supposed to make small talk with the other guests."

  "We tried that, remember? The Duchess of Claxony fainted as soon as I told her my name."

  "That must have upset the Duke," said Rubis.

  "He fainted too," said Sapphrina.

  It wasn't my fault that I was the most feared man in the Eleven Kingdoms. A cabal of evil wizards was responsible for that. By a campaign of deliberate misinformation they had painted in the minds of millions a false image of Jason Cosmo as a terrible marauder who ate babies for breakfast and drank blood for wine. In most places, my name was spoken only in fearful whispers, if at all. I was actually a warm, generous, kind-hearted, likable fellow, but my vile reputation was a real burden in social settings.

  "It shouldn't be much longer, darling," said Sapphrina, pointing down the Avenue of Morning.

  Protocol demanded that the royal procession not proceed until all the guests reached the chapel. Even now a lone coach drawn by black horses hurtled down the avenue with unceremonial haste to deliver a late arrival.

  "Who could that be?" I wondered aloud. "I thought everyone was here already."

  A small child chasing an errant ball darted into the path of the carriage. The driver did not slow his reckless pace and would have run the little boy down had not an alert soldier snatched him to safety at the last instant. The otherwise jubilant crowd booed and hissed as the coach passed.

  "Must be the Dark Duke," I said softly. The black mace emblem on the carriage door confirmed my guess.

  Thule, Duke of Nethershawn, emerged from his coach and stalked through the Crystalfire Gate without greeting anyone. It was just as well, because no one greeted him. He was a tall, grim man with silver hair and a scowling graveyard face. He was the leader of those reactionary nobles who opposed Queen Raella's efforts to create a kinder, gentler kingdom through such reforms as outlawing slavery and banning torture. Her union with Mercury was a serious blow to Thule's plans. He was not a happy camper.

  "What is he doing here?" I asked when he had passed. "He was invited only as a necessary formality. No one expected him to actually show up." The twins didn't have an answer and neither did I.

  After a moment of disturbing silence, a thunderous shout shook the air. It was followed by a majestic trumpet fanfare at the far end of the avenue. The wedding procession had finally begun.

  General Vixen Hotfur, Supreme Commander of the Annies of Raelna, led the procession astride a great roan charger. Nearly forty, Hotfur was lean and hard-muscled, with fox-red hair and sly amber eyes. The She-Fox, as she was known due to her tactical cunning, would have preferred leading something more stimulating, like a reckless cavalry charge against the center lines of a vast horde of bloodthirsty foes. But long-standing tradition demanded that the Supreme Commander head up all state processions. This had been the rule since 534 A.H., when King Raeford the Moose was murdered by rebellious nobles during the parade kicking off the annual Partially Hydro-genated Sunflower Oil Festival.

  The 85th Ceremonial Showcase Brigade of the Royal Mounted Lancers followed Hotfur. The unit hadn't seen battle in over a century, but when it came to parades they were unsurpassed, riding in perfe
ct formation with studied stiffness and deadpan faces. They had bright red pennons attached to their weapons and bobbing scarlet crests on their shining silver helmets. With flawless precision the colorful troopers peeled off into two columns, lining the last hundred yards of the avenue on either side to await the rest of the procession. Hotfur and the trooper bearing the state banner of Raelna rode alone to the Crystalfire Gate and dismounted. The trooper planted the flag, which bore a smiling golden sunburst on a scarlet field, to the right of the gateway.

  I greeted Hotfur as a soldier led her horse away. I had to shout in order to be heard over the deafening roar of the crowd:

  "You're looking sharp today, General."

  "I damn well should, decked out in all this frippery." She slapped disgustedly at her scarlet dress uniform. She preferred well-worn buckskins. "Can you believe the hoopla? Pomp and ceremony is all very well, but this! My boys can barely keep the bystanders out of the street to let the parade go by. And the din, man! I've seen quieter battles."

  "The people love their Queen."

  "That they do, The Gods save her! Still, I'll be glad when this is over. There is yet work to do before the city defenses are restored. Those gutter-sucking demons raised merry hell last spring, you know."

  "Indeed."

  "And the campaigning season is far from over. Ganth has been making noises, Orphalia could come apart any day, and we've had constant skirmishing along the Brythalian frontier since we blunted their spring offensive. This army needs a good shakedown and, by Death and Spittle, it's going to get it once the fun and games are over!"

  "You're militarily compulsive, General."

  "That's my job, lad."

  The lancers were followed by the 15th Processional Festive Pike Regiment, which also split into two columns and lined the perimeter of the court. Behind the foot soldiers was the Royal Strategic Marching Band, which worked in many triumphal flourishes as it marked time for the marchers. The band gave way to the groom's open coach.

  "Here's Merc," I said.

  "He looks sour for a man about to wed a queen," said Hotfur, noting his scowl.

  "What else is new?"

  The coach halted and Mercury alighted before us. The future Prince Consort of Raelna was a small-framed man with olive skin and dark green eyes. His bushy eyebrows, long hair, and neatly trimmed beard were black as coal. He wore a scarlet cape over a cloth of gold tunic trimmed with black velvet and sewn with bright emeralds.

  Mercury Boltblaster was my best friend. I owed him my life a few dozen times over. Together we had defied death, demons, despair, and doom. We had faced the full might of the dreaded Dark Magic Society and prevailed, something few people could honestly say. We were like brothers and no one was happier for him today than I.

  "We're running late," he said as he exited the coach.

  "Weddings always do," I said. "Or so I've been told."

  "Just so. Well, I'm glad I got another chance to talk to you before the ceremony, Jason. I've got a bad feeling about this."

  "I think that's normal."

  "I'm not talking about routine prenuptial jitters. I have a premonition of total disaster. I want you to keep an eye out for trouble."

  "Merc, everything has been planned to the last detail. What could possibly go wrong?"

  He gave me a pained look. "The best-laid plans of gods and men invariably go awry. Consider, for example, Raella's last wedding. A complete debacle, as weddings go."

  "Wasn't that your fault?"

  He shrugged. "She was marrying the wrong man. That was her father's fault." For political reasons, the late King Raegon had arranged for Raella to marry Prince Halogen, obnoxious heir to the throne of neighboring Orphalia, despite her love for Mercury. "What could I do?"

  "Disrupt the ceremony, kidnap the bride, blast your way out of the city, and ride hellbent for leather to Caratha with half the Raelnan army in hot pursuit?"

  Merc shrugged again. "See what I mean? You never know what might happen. Raella and I have many enemies. What better time for them to strike at us than today?"

  I shook my head in exasperation. "Merc, be optimistic for once! You're about to be married!"

  "I certainly hope so." With that, he passed through the gate and entered the chapel to await the start of the ceremony.

  "Cynical to a fault," I said.

  "He's got naught to worry about, lad," said Hotfur. "There are no less than six hundred of my boys on the scene. We'll have no trouble today."

  "Here comes the Queen!" said Sapphrina.

  The crowd doubled its cheers as the Queen came into view. A band of trumpeters and the mounted members of the Queen's Very Own Personal Guard preceded her coach, which was drawn by ten white horses. The trooper bearing the Queen's personal standard rode forward and planted it to the left of the Crystalfire Gate. It was similar to the state banner, but with inverted coloring and the addition of a crown and a pattern of roses.

  The coach halted, and I lent Her Majesty a hand as she disembarked. Raella Shurbenholt looked like a young goddess. This was natural since she was directly descended from the Goddess Rae, whose son Blaze Shurben had founded Raelna nearly one thousand years ago. She wore a glittering gown of gold brocade embellished with rubies, topaz, and diamonds. It lent a regal aura to her delicate, girlish figure. Her fine, pale, elfin face was offset by reddish-blond hair piled high on her head and apparently held in place by magic. Her most striking feature, however, was her haunting blue eyes. They were like ancient and timeless doorways to a hidden realm of wisdom. When she looked at me I felt she was seeing into my very soul.

  "Thank you, Jason." Her voice was sweet and silvery as a well-played harp.

  "My pleasure, Your Majesty."

  "Is Mercury still fretting?" she asked as a bluebird lit on her outstretched finger and chirped happily. Mice, squirrels, chipmunks, and a couple of rabbits peered at her adoringly from the cover of the hedge. I had noticed before how birds and cute little furry animals were drawn to Raella. She radiated that kind of wholesome goodness. I expected the whole scene to break into a choreographed musical number at any moment.

  "Of course," I said.

  "It won't be long now." She smiled and went through the gate, escorted by a dozen lovely ladies-in-waiting. Hotfur, the twins, and I followed a moment later, heading for the canopies and our seats on the front row, near Prince Ronaldo of Caratha and his party and just across the aisle from venerable Mage Timeon and the other members of the High Council of the League of Benevolent Magic. The Deputy High Priest of Rae, who would perform the ceremony, was already in place. Raella was the High Priestess of the Church of Rae, but it would be awkward for her to officiate at her own wedding. The task had thus fallen to a lesser member of the religious hierarchy. All was ready.

  We waited fifteen minutes before the trumpeters cut loose with another fanfare, silencing the chatter of the seated guests. As the echoes of the blast died out, more artful minstrels took up a stately wedding march. Mercury walked alone down the aisle between the canopies to the outdoor altar. He had refused the traditional escort of noble men-at-arms, not wanting to give one of Thule's admirers a chance to slip a knife between his ribs.

  Raella's ladies-in-waiting came next and lined up to the left of the altar. They were followed by the Queen herself, who took her place at Mercury's side. The Deputy High Priest then offered up a prayer of thanksgiving to the all-wise, all-knowing, all-seeing Goddess Rae. I had met her and knew better. She was actually somewhat shallow and scatterbrained. On the other hand, she was also my patron deity. I tried to think less blasphemous thoughts.

  The prayer was followed by a long hymn of praise from the Holy Sunlight Chorus. The priest then delivered a lengthy sermon on love, devotion, marriage, and the healthful benefits of fresh air and sunshine. This was followed by another hymn. I stifled a yawn. Respect for The Gods was one thing, but this was ridiculous. We were already thirty minutes into the ceremony. Hotfur was visibly restless. Merc was annoyed. The twins we
re pictures of composure.

  The priest gave another prayer, urging the Sun Goddess to shower favor upon the royal couple and their kingdom, including its principal cities and towns and the various duchies, earldoms, and counties, which he listed for Divine Rae's convenience. The chorus sang its third hymn.

  Finally the priest spoke the words we were all waiting for.

  "And so let us now, before The Gods and humanity, perform the task for which we have gathered here on this twentieth day of the Sixmonth of the year 990 in the Age of Hope. Let us seal this favored couple together in holy matrimony. Let us rejoice as they begin a new life together. Let us—"

  "Let us get on with it," growled Merc.

  "Ahem. Do you, Raella Shurbenholt, Queen of Raelna, Princess of the Silver Sands, Daughter of the Sun, et cetera, take this man Mercury Boltblaster to be your lawfully wed husband for life, to share your fortunes and dominion, and promise to cleave to him to the exclusion of all others as commanded by the Holy Scripture of Rae, Revised Edition?"

  "With all my heart, I do," said Raella, gazing fondly at the wizard.

  "Do you, Mercury Boltblaster, Arcane Master and Honorary Lord of this kingdom, take this woman, Raella Shurbenholt, to be your lawfully wed wife for life, to share in her fortune and dominions to the extent provided by law and custom, and promise to cleave to her to the exclusion of all others as commanded by the Holy Scripture of Rae, Revised Edition, in supersession of any contrary credal provisions derived from the teachings of whichever other of The Gods you may honor?"

  "I do," said Mercury with a trace of a smile. Despite his fears, it looked as though we were going to get through the wedding without incident.

  "Then by virtue of the power bestowed upon me by the Church of Rae, and before The Gods and humanity as witnesses, I do hereby solemnly proclaim you, from this moment forward, to be—urracht!"

  A crossbow's steel quarrel suddenly appeared in the Deputy High Priest's chest. He stiffened, staggered backward while clutching the shaft, and fell dead across the altar. Merc and Raella turned to face the horror-stricken crowd. Hotfur and I sprang to our feet, as did many of the guests.